Sunday, March 8, 2009

To know Him more

These are his daddy's feet! I had to take this picture because every time we go we talk about his feet. It is amazing how much they look like Hunters! They are so long and his toes are so long! I mean he could grab your finger with those things! I love them! They are so precious to me.

 Okay, I have come to a conclusion in the past 24 hours through many tears and much prayer. I can NOT do this! I do know how to do this on my own. How to eat, to sleep, to breathe! Those normal things are so hard to do. I mean, my girls make me laugh and I love being with them when I'm home. They are constantly doing something cute or absolutely hilarious! I love spending all this time with Hunter and getting to talk so much. But to leave the hospital every day, every night and leave my baby there; I don't know how to. To come home and sit here and pump and then go to bed and try to sleep without my baby next to me; I don't know how. I just want life to pause right now where we are and wait for my baby to come home. But life doesn't pause. I think that we are not suppose to be able to do things like this on our own. And I am so thankful that I don't have to. I pray all day long that the Lord will lift me up and give me strength and He is doing it. If He weren't I wouldn't be able to keep going. Not in my power and my own strength. It is such a supernatural thing. I pray to know Him more. In the end I want to be able to say "It was worth it, to know Him more". That is a very hard thing to say, but that will be my prayer, because He is worthy.


These pics are from this morning. He has his glasses on because he is under the jaundice light. I think he has one more day under the light and maybe they'll be able to turn it off, so the glasses will be removed and we can see his whole sweet face again. 

We went this morning and tonight so I can't remember what we've been told the 2 different times, so I will just spill all the information I know now and hopefully make since while doing so. First thing, his xray this morning showed that he did not have very much bowel gas at all. Which is a normal thing to have, but since he is on the suction now, it is sucking off excess fluid and gas from his gut every so often. So that explains the lack of gas, but the lack of gas makes it harder to interpret the xray. They did not notice anything I guess, but the GI will be there tomorrow and we pray that he will give us a clear diagnoses after looking at the xrays. NEC is just rarely seen in term babies. It is mostly found in premies and his xrays do not show clear cut signs of NEC. However, he has a lot of other symptoms. His belly being distended Friday and having a red "football" ring around it shows them that something was making his tummy sick. An allergy would not cause this. Also, when they press gently on his tummy he tenses up some as if it were tender. They said most babies wouldn't mind you pressing on them. Also, an allergy would not cause your belly to be tender. Having to be put on suction is a sign of NEC. Also, after our visit this morning the doctor called me and said his white blood count came back and was really low. It was 2 when should be 10. This shows that there is an infection. For all you medical professionals, I will try to explain this. We questioned them about it tonight because typically if you have an infection your white count is high, but they said his is low.  So the nurse practitioner said that babies do a lot of things differently than adults. Sometimes when their body senses an infection the bone marrow shuts down at first, causing a low white count. Then usually it will shoot back up. So right now his white count is low, which means he can't fight infection well. So she said tonight that it is best if no one touches him besides mom and dad to make sure we aren't bringing in any germs. The last thing we want is for him to catch something else! I might have a nervous breakdown at that point, seriously! She even said that Hunter and I might want to wear gloves to touch him until his white count comes back up. I am fine with this, as long as I start seeing some improvement. I do NOT want him to get sicker! She said that feels good that he is pretty much the same. That if this were going to get worse, he would already be a lot sicker over these past 2 days. So right now they are treating him for NEC. They are saying that is what he has. The GI doctor will come in tomorrow and confirm, but he has a lot of the symptoms and you don't have to have them all to have NEC. So he is on 10-14 days of bowel rest and a couple different antibiotics and a "fungus something or another". Can't quite remember that one! They said the better he gets the fussier he will be. Because the better he feels the more he is going to start realizing that he is not being fed. Right now he doesn't feel good so he doesn't really care. So I guess once he starts to get better, hearing him cry will be a good thing. They said that before his bowel rest is over he going to get pretty ticked off! She said those days might be hard for us, but I think maybe they will be comforting, to know that he is getting better. Anyway, I think that is all right now. His thrush is looking a lot better, so thats good. Just keep praying! That is the most important thing right now. Its all any of us can do. The Lord is the only One who can see inside his gut and the only One knows exactly what is wrong. He is the one who created the bacteria that is now attacking his bowels and He is the one who created Hudson's bowels. None of this will be successful if the hand of God does not touch it and tell it where to go and what to heal. So we must pray because He is where our hope is found. Thank you all so so much! 

2 comments:

  1. Here from Ashley's blog with my sincere wishes for your beautiful son's speedy recovery.

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  2. Ashley is one of my dear friends. We are praying for you and your beautiful baby boy.

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